Hello AWM,
please post this. I need the advice of your audience.
I really don't know where to start. My life has been filled with sadness, anger, tears, and I wish I could find some happiness. I am so f...
please post this. I need the advice of your audience.
I really don't know where to start. My life has been filled with sadness, anger, tears, and I wish I could find some happiness. I am so f...
ed up with my marriage and every sight of my 'husband' fills me with despair, gloom and unhappiness.
I've been married for almost 5 years and it feels like 5 years of torture. It feels like someone purposely sent my husband to me as an unbearable punishment for my sins ( I have not done anything out of the ordinary by the way).
I can be likened to one of the good girls who ended up with a "bad boy". It feels like a bad smell that has refused to go away.
He makes excuses for his behaviour....he has never admitted anything as his fault. He has even accused me of not " enhancing his progress since we married ". (Behind every successful man is a woman, right?). Ok, what if you take a horse to the river and it refuses to drink? He also said, "I have not seen any progress in my life since we got married" (pls, bear in mind he was even worse off before we got married).
My story!
I met my husband like 13 years ago back in our country. In fact, he was my first love. I came to the UK first, and he later joined me and we got married.
A few months before we married, I stumbled upon a voice recording message of him having sexual intercourse with another girl. I was furious! He denied at first but the truth was glaring. He apologised and I forgave him! Well, big mistake.
Warning to all single ladies; never EVER marry a man without a job!
Fast forward to married life... I have not known peace for a week stretch without issues. In fact, he was arrested a month after we married because of drink driving on his late night parole with his so called friends. He was caught another time with a lady in MY CAR!
I remember I begged him not to cheat on me when I fell pregnant with our first child. He replied as a joke, 'but I need someone to help out my situation'.
I have discovered text messages on his phone with girls on how they've had sex, overheard him talking to his friend about 'using' a girl and even discovered condom in his pocket. Well, he now has a password on his blackberry.
In a lot of cases, my husband would go out the night before and won't return until 8am (or later) the next day.
Some people would say infidelity is common amongst men but I assume that many of these adulterers take care of their family financially? Well, not in my husbands case!
I am the bread winner of the family because my husband has refused to look for work. He was laid off almost two years ago. In fact, I discovered he was laid off a few months later when I did my investigation. He would leave the house at same time in the evening and pretend to go to work. Where does he go to? I've got no clue!
I have pushed and pushed for him to get a job. Done up his resume, sent tons and tons of application on his behalf but nothing. Because has picked out the sort of jobs he would NEVER do.
This is a man in his 30's with two kids, a wife and bills to pay. So far, I am stuck with a man who isn't looking for work, loves to live a good life by wearing nice clothes and portrays a good life outside of his home.
In fact, I have to lie to family members and friends about what my husband does. I seriously don't know who to speak to about my situation.
Bills are piling up and the mortgage in my name needs to be paid as I have lost my job. He has now decided to go back to UNI to start a 3 year degree( even though he attended a university back home for 4 good years).
I have been tempted to ask for separation a lot of times but the patient part of me would tell me to hang in there.
We have not had sexual relationship for 10 months and I have never cheated on him ( not like I don't have the opportunity to do so), just that the guilt would be too much for me to handle. I would rather separate from him first than have a guilt hanging over my head!
Please tell me, does my story call for us to separate? I am tired of carrying this burden on my own.
I've been married for almost 5 years and it feels like 5 years of torture. It feels like someone purposely sent my husband to me as an unbearable punishment for my sins ( I have not done anything out of the ordinary by the way).
I can be likened to one of the good girls who ended up with a "bad boy". It feels like a bad smell that has refused to go away.
He makes excuses for his behaviour....he has never admitted anything as his fault. He has even accused me of not " enhancing his progress since we married ". (Behind every successful man is a woman, right?). Ok, what if you take a horse to the river and it refuses to drink? He also said, "I have not seen any progress in my life since we got married" (pls, bear in mind he was even worse off before we got married).
My story!
I met my husband like 13 years ago back in our country. In fact, he was my first love. I came to the UK first, and he later joined me and we got married.
A few months before we married, I stumbled upon a voice recording message of him having sexual intercourse with another girl. I was furious! He denied at first but the truth was glaring. He apologised and I forgave him! Well, big mistake.
Warning to all single ladies; never EVER marry a man without a job!
Fast forward to married life... I have not known peace for a week stretch without issues. In fact, he was arrested a month after we married because of drink driving on his late night parole with his so called friends. He was caught another time with a lady in MY CAR!
I remember I begged him not to cheat on me when I fell pregnant with our first child. He replied as a joke, 'but I need someone to help out my situation'.
I have discovered text messages on his phone with girls on how they've had sex, overheard him talking to his friend about 'using' a girl and even discovered condom in his pocket. Well, he now has a password on his blackberry.
In a lot of cases, my husband would go out the night before and won't return until 8am (or later) the next day.
Some people would say infidelity is common amongst men but I assume that many of these adulterers take care of their family financially? Well, not in my husbands case!
I am the bread winner of the family because my husband has refused to look for work. He was laid off almost two years ago. In fact, I discovered he was laid off a few months later when I did my investigation. He would leave the house at same time in the evening and pretend to go to work. Where does he go to? I've got no clue!
I have pushed and pushed for him to get a job. Done up his resume, sent tons and tons of application on his behalf but nothing. Because has picked out the sort of jobs he would NEVER do.
This is a man in his 30's with two kids, a wife and bills to pay. So far, I am stuck with a man who isn't looking for work, loves to live a good life by wearing nice clothes and portrays a good life outside of his home.
In fact, I have to lie to family members and friends about what my husband does. I seriously don't know who to speak to about my situation.
Bills are piling up and the mortgage in my name needs to be paid as I have lost my job. He has now decided to go back to UNI to start a 3 year degree( even though he attended a university back home for 4 good years).
I have been tempted to ask for separation a lot of times but the patient part of me would tell me to hang in there.
We have not had sexual relationship for 10 months and I have never cheated on him ( not like I don't have the opportunity to do so), just that the guilt would be too much for me to handle. I would rather separate from him first than have a guilt hanging over my head!
Please tell me, does my story call for us to separate? I am tired of carrying this burden on my own.
He know s that u weak and u don t have enough gutts to leave him that s why he s doing all of this u are responsable for his bad behavior cuz u really never put your feet down such as don t drive ur car if he dont have a emergency don t shopping for him anymore or give him money he will lurn that way and think he had more than one chance he didn t give dam the more u weak the more he s gonna be heartless thst s human when he sees that u ready to leave him or started over he will shake him self
ReplyDeletePeople treat us the way we let them. It's human nature. Just lay down the ground rules and stick to them. Communicate that to him and cut the purse strings. You should never make excuses for anyone. It's not your fault he is the way he is and it is not your fault he does what he does. If his actions are not ok with you-tell him-and set boundaries-including divorce as a consequence. Please please please-don't keep a man. They are not wired that way even if they are enjoying it :) You are your own person. Remember who you were before him. You were doing just fine. You do not need a man to make you whole - it's not a right of passage. There is too much pressure in the community we come from to get married. We always get asked - have you found a husband?! Somewhere along the line, we start to think that that is the end goal. It ain't. We are more than just being married. We are someone's child, sister, cousin, aunt grandchild, friend, mother, mentor, confidant, .... Even if you want to be married, that is fine, BUT it should be with someone who deserves you, loves, you, respects you, and is on the same path for what you want in your marriage. Let him go. It's ok. It'll hurt but you deserve to be good to you first and by extension, your kids. If your husband really loves you, he'll "come correct" and you two can then have a fighting chance of both being happy in your marriage.
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